Atlantis Rediscovered After Application to Host FIFA World Cup
A civilisation lost in paperwork
In a breathtaking turn of events that has stunned historians and football fans alike, the lost city of Atlantis has finally been rediscovered, not by archaeologists exploring the ocean floor, but through an application to host the FIFA World Cup.
First described by the Greek philosopher Plato around 360 BC, Atlantis was long dismissed as little more than an allegory about the dangers of pride and empire.
FIFA reached much the same conclusion.
The Atlantean bid, consisting of more than 3,700 pages of supporting documents, engineering studies and plans for several state-of-the-art underwater stadiums, had been sitting in FIFA’s archives for decades after being dismissed as an obvious hoax.
It would likely have remained there had the Atlantean Football Association not continued requesting updates on the progress of its application.
Bound by Section 5.7 of the FIFA Handbook, requiring all member associations to be treated equally, FIFA President Gianni Infantino reluctantly authorised an inspection.
Four days later, inspectors returned visibly shaken.
Atlantis was real.
Far from a ruined civilisation, it is a thriving underwater nation of around 800,000 people, complete with universities, hospitals, public transport and a fiercely competitive domestic football league.
“We’ve always loved football,” said Atlantean FA President Nerus Tidewell. “We just assumed surface dwellers were incredibly slow at replying to emails.”
One small problem
FIFA praised Atlantis’ passion for football but stopped short of approving the bid.
Inspectors cited “minor infrastructure concerns”, including the complete absence of breathable oxygen and the fact every proposed stadium is technically inside the Atlantic Ocean.
“The biggest issue is the water,” Infantino explained. “We’ve hosted tournaments in extreme heat before. This is another thing entirely.”
The Atlanteans proposed mandatory oxygen breaks every thirty seconds. FIFA executives were reportedly enthusiastic about the additional advertising opportunities before concluding the proposal represented “a slight departure from traditional football.”
Officials have instead requested a revised bid addressing concerns around oxygen, pitch drainage and spectator access.
Decision expected later this year
FIFA insists the application remains under active consideration.
After more than two thousand years of searching, humanity finally found Atlantis.
It wasn’t hidden beneath the waves.
It was buried in paperwork.