Nation’s Favourite Novelty Cake Admits Birthdays Have 'Lost All Meaning'
By the time the candles came out at a soft play centre in Laindon, Essex, the nation’s favourite novelty cake had already done 112 birthdays that week.
The cake, who asked not to be named for contractual reasons, said children’s parties were the hardest part of the job.
“They fight over who gets the head,” he said. “That’s my head.”
He said children’s parties were too warm, too loud and badly sung. There was almost always a kid with a dirty finger in the icing, too.
Friends say the cake has been drinking more heavily between appearances and sometimes refuses to come out of the box until the last moment.
“At first I thought each one mattered,” he said. “Then you do enough of them and realise it’s just something people get for staying alive another year.”
His manager denied the cake was being overworked, insisting he remained “Britain’s leading edible celebration figure” and was contractually available for birthdays, exam results and special occasions.
Sources close to the cake said things took a downturn after his 10,000th celebration.
“I used to think I was bringing people joy,” the cake said. “Now, when they start singing, I just wait for the lights to go out.”