Socks Revealed to be Money-Making Scheme by Shoe People
Are we under the big toe of big shoe?
Have you ever wondered who invented socks? The answer may shock you.
Professor Stan K. Toerag, 57, spent most of his life, obediently putting on socks every morning without questioning why. A fact that now fills him with regret.
"I had this moment of clarity," he explained. "It feels so good taking your socks off… What if we never had to put them on in the first place?"
This line of thought led Professor Toerag to undertake what he describes as "a PhD's worth of research" into the history of the garments.
"The inside of shoes is uncomfortable," Professor Toerag explained. "Instead of making comfortable shoes, socks were invented to wear inside them. We accepted the solution without ever questioning the problem."
Professor Toerag believes the recent diversification of sock types is further evidence of the industry becoming increasingly manipulative.
"When I was younger there were just socks. Now there are socks for running, walking, hiking, cycling, compression, thermal, and even those weird plastic socks you’re supposed to wear over your shoes. Every year seems to bring about another way our feet have been suffering without us realising."
Professor Toerag is now petitioning shoe manufacturers to include a comfortable fabric inside as standard.
When asked if going sockless would result in unpleasant-smelling shoes, Professor Toerag explained he has no sense of smell.
His research has since expanded beyond socks altogether.
"Humans managed for thousands of years without modern shoes, and even longer without socks. The more I look into it, the less convinced I become. We've been thinking about feet entirely the wrong way. I'm not expecting big shoe to change over night, but it’s a start.”
The Daily Pyre has not independently verified Professor Stan K. Toerag's findings. We are also unable to recommend going sockless inside shoes at this time, pending further investigation.