The Daily Pyre

The Daily Pyre

Home
Archive
About
Celebration as Community Throws Cisgender, Straight White Guy on Bonfire
A parish council has updated its annual Bonfire Night celebrations by replacing the traditional Guy Fawkes with a cisgender, straight white man.
 • The Daily Pyre
Study Finds Candles Begin to Smell Like their Owners
The Institute of Household Items has advised the public to spend less time around scented candles, after finding they gradually take on the smell of…
 • The Daily Pyre
New Religion Requires Followers to Pray 86,400 Times a Day
A rapidly growing faith known as “Seconds” is gaining popularity with the youth of today.
 • The Daily Pyre
Technology Experts Have ‘No Idea’ What's Going On
Recent developments have left technology experts struggling to keep up, from the AI intrusion at Hugging Face to PHP vulnerabilities threatening to…
 • The Daily Pyre

October 2026

'Great Taste' Award Withdrawn After Customers Notice Smell
The Guild of Fine Food has received complaints from customers who say a jar of stir-in pasta sauce left their kitchens smelling like ****.
 • The Daily Pyre
Britain’s Coastline Fitted with Copper Tape to Deter Sea Slugs
Copper tape has been laid along sections of the south coast, including Dover, in an effort to deter unwanted molluscs.
 • The Daily Pyre
Band Launches New Album of ‘Previously Unreleased’ Music
The band’s frontman described the record as the most exciting project they’ve worked on in years.
 • The Daily Pyre
Air Fryer Misses Being Centre of Attention
An air fryer from a household in Essex has admitted it misses the attention it received during the height of its popularity.
 • The Daily Pyre
Ectoplasm Loses ‘World’s Most Mysterious Fluid' Title
It’s been a good run for ectoplasm, but the award for world’s most mysterious fluid has finally changed hands.
 • The Daily Pyre
Grandma ‘Terrified’ of Vegan Meat Section in Tesco
Margaret, 76, said she first became concerned after noticing several packets of meat labelled as plant-based.
 • The Daily Pyre
Fart in Swimming Pool Conveniently Trapped Under Ladder
A young man has expressed relief after a fart he released in a swimming pool became trapped under the steps at the shallow end.
 • The Daily Pyre
CCTV Operator Unaware He Is Being Watched
A CCTV operator has spent several years unaware that a camera in the CCTV control room is watching him.
 • The Daily Pyre
© 2026 The Daily Pyre · Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start your SubstackGet the app
Substack is the home for great culture